I have never really been into the "Mommy Wars." Even reading about how we should avoid them, and all support each other doesn't excite me.
Supporting each other seems as though it should be common sense, right?
Lately, though, I've had the feeling that I'm just not quite good enough.
I don't know why I'm putting this out into the blog world, but it has been on my mind quite a bit over the last week or so. Writing it down is a form of letting it go. Getting it off my chest. Getting over it.
It isn't that I'm reading articles and blogs and feeling like I don't compare to these women that are amazing mothers. Because, most of the time, I feel like a pretty awesome mom. And I feel as though comparing myself to others is just plain stupid.
But I'm human, and it happens. There's a whole list of things that have me wondering if I'm doing this right. If I really am an awesome mom.
Am I home with Kid enough? I work outside of the home. He gets dropped off at daycare at 7am, and picked up at 4pm. That's a long time! Am I taking too much time for myself by having him at daycare so long? But during the school year, there is no way around it. I have to be at work by 7:30 (the hubs even earlier) and cannot leave until 3:30. Am I horrible for being away from him?
Am I too attached and unwilling to let go when I am at home with him? I don't like getting babysitters often, because I feel like I don't have enough time with my own child. Is that selfish of me? Am I horrible for wanting to be with Kid all the time?
Did I nurse for too long? I still nurse Kid. Only overnight (my supply dropped, and it dropped fast). He still is waking up once a night to get some boob time. Is it selfish of me to still nurse him overnight? Is he going to walk up to me as a 2 year old and ask for some boob? And then will I feel really awkward and embarrassed? Will he?
Did I nurse long enough?*
Do I read to him enough?
Do we sing enough songs?
Am I teaching him everything I should be?
Am I a good mom?
But you know what is awesome?
After re-reading this post, I realize that those thoughts and questions are kinda lame.
Of course I am a fabulous mother. Kid is happy and healthy (okay, we're dealing with another ear infection...). He's smiling, growing, laughing, gaining weight, crawling (kind of), and an all around wonderful and happy kid.
And that is all that matters.
*I do not want to start any debate about breast or formula feeding. All families do what is best for their child and their family. And I support each family's decision.